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JASON! No, you can't be the newest member of The Hooters!

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Nope, just because Karin's last name is SLAUGHTER doesn't mean she wants to experience one...

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No, Jason, Dawn isn't interested in playing a piano duet with you.

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We know ThrillerFest has a killer staff but we didn't want you to actually kill them!

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Sorry, Jason, the world is waiting for more Game of Thrones...I had to save George R.R. Martin from a "visit" with you.

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No, Jason, I don't think Chris Grall needs a lesson on hand to hand combat with a machete.

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Jason! Tori wasn't looking for that kind of start to ThrillerFest!

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No, Jason, I don't think Grant Blackwood wanted a view of your machete instead of the view of NYC from the terrace.

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Jason! No! Who will MC the ThrillerFest Awards Banquet?!

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Jason, I don't want to have your friends over for a playdate *shudder*

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JASON! I know you loved KJ's suit but that's not the way to ask to borrow it!

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Jason! I don't think Joseph Finder is interested in learning what the buried part of his novel Buried Secrets is like...

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Not the MacGregor sisters!

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Jason, you don't need to show Ed how The Thrill REALLY Begins...

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No, Jason, D.P. Lyle doesn't want you to show him how to really stop a heart!!

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Jason, I don't think attempting to kidnap Lee Child is a great way to see if Jack Reacher is real!

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No, Jason, that is NOT a good way to get a Goosebumps book written about you!

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No, Jason, that's not the way to get on a panel at ThrillerFest...


No, Max does NOT want a ride to school!


Aww! It's so nice to see you two getting along! Last time you two got together it was, well, not so good...


Jason, I don't think Christina and Lauren were interested in the word "slash" when they thought of the title of their new release, Love And Other Words!


JASON!!! I do NOT think murder is the traditional gift for a first anniversary!


Well, Jason, I guess you DON'T need a helmet...


No, Jason. These ladies are not interested in adopting you into their family!


Jason! Just because Kimberly writes about first responders doesn't mean she wants to test out their life saving techniques!


Jason! I'm pretty sure Robin didn't want to see your bloody technique for giving her hair red highlights!


No Jason, Chelle is not interested in playing a game of "lay real still while I dangle my machete over your head."


Jason, when you said you'd want to whisper sweet nothings into Debra's ear, we didn't know "sweet nothings" was code for your machete

I realize October 2017 is going to be big for you, Jason, but it's only August....where are you going?

Jason, J.r. Ward writes books with DAGGER in the title and no, I don't think this will convince her to change to it MACHETE!

Jason! I don't think Steve Berry wants to write horrors and I'm SURE he doesn't want a demo on how to wield a machete!

Yes Jason, Laura Kaye, Christopher Rice, and Tessa Bailey are triple threats with all their talents but I don't think they want to be part of your talents with triple homicides

Yes, Jason. Larissa Ione does write about demons but I'm sure she doesn't want a demonstration on how they kill people.

Jason, I don't think that's going to convince J. Kenner replace Stark with Voorhees...

Jason, Shayla Black may have wicked in her titles but I don't think she wants to experience it in real life!

Jason. I'm pretty sure that's NOT how Lexi Blake's character's use rope in her books.

No, Jason. I don't think Lara Adrian needs a haircut!

Jason, I don't think Lorelei James wants to write you as a slashing cowboy in her next book. Sorry.

what do you mean you need to "go visit friends" Jason...

Aww! Family portrait!

Jason! NO!

Jason! We do NOT push people off of roofs!

More ice cream, Jason? Well, it IS your 68th birthday

The pic that started it all...

Ok, it IS your birthday after can have some frozen yogurt even though you had a cupcake fro breakfast today

Jason, that is NOT very nice!


What are the odds that your 68th birthday would fall on a Friday the 13th, Jason?

While I do realize it matches your birthday hat, no one is going to play on your "rope swing"


Cheers, Jason!

Um, no, Jason. That's NOT milk

Jason, I thought I told you to wait in the car.

While I'm sure you're right in saying a human body is biodegradable organic material, I don't think this is a good idea, Jason.

Yes, I do understand that you don't mind the red cup...because it looks like your favorite thing: blood., Jason, I don't think those are good things to add to this list.

Jason, I don't think Santa can bring you a new machete for Christmas

Jason! NO!!!

Jason, I know it's dissection day in middle school science today, but no it's not BYOC (bring your own corpse) and you can't go to school.

Jason. You cannot kidnap my mother and keep her for your own.

JASON! "Let's see it it will sink" is NOT a good game to play!


Oh, it's Friday the 13th? For sure it'll be a good day...

Damn, Jason! Back at it again with the white Vans!

Goodnight, Jason. You've got a big day ahead of you tomorrow!

I don't know, Jason. That hurt way more than you using a marker...are you sure this will wash off?

No, Jason, I don't think playing a game of "Let's step on Max's fingers as he dangles over the steps and see how long he can hold on" is a great way to start off the day

Jason! Oh, wait. I can't even be mad at you for playing with fire this time.

Sorry, Jason. I don't think this will help get you less water logged.

Jason! You cannot invite the neighborhood kids over for an after school snack!

Jason, I don't think the score is 13-13

While I realize you're way older than 16, you clearly don't know how to drive.

Jason, don't you think a spoon would work better?

No, Jason< I don't think the swimmers will think it's funny if you grab their legs as they swim by

Jason, I'm not getting you a new tent because you are NOT going camping

Jason! Get out of that fire truck!

No, Jason, I don't think every restaurant will want "deep fried camper" on their menus

No, I don't think you get to kill the other team if you get a home-run

I don't think they have those item at the grocery store, Jason.

While I'm sure they enjoy the donation, I don't think they'll let you slash the next person who comes up

JASON! It's a weeknight!

Nope. Pretty sure they won't mail corpses, Jason

Sorry, Jason, I am not getting you a new toy

Damn, Jason...that's HARSH!

No, Jason, you really don't need one of these for protection from things that go bump in the night.

Ok, maybe your mother would like this bouquet but it's certainly not for every mother on Mother's Day

Thanks, Jason, but I can do that...with a much smaller knife

It may be a little late for that, Jason

No one is going to believe you're a certified camp counselor, Jason.

Not sure they have "Thanks for all the slashing" cards for Mother's Day

Yes, Jason, I do know that like cheerios, revenge is a dish best served cold

Jason. No. Don't even ask

No, Jason, we don't want to try your "special stew" for dinner tonight.

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